January Resolutions: Making and Breaking and Trying Again

My 2016 "Vision Board"

Fresh starts are great and what is better than starting a whole new year? So every January, as a culture, we celebrate the resolution season. Gone is the excess of Thanksgiving. Forgotten the festivities of Christmas. Now it is time to settle down to serious stuff. This is the year We. Will. Become Organized.

Or thin.

Or fit.

Or patient.

Or generous.

Or selfless.

Or humble.

Or--probably—possibly—maybe--all of the above.

I love making resolutions in January. I also make them on my birthday, with the start of each season, with each LDS semiannual conference, and with the beginning of school in the fall. Hope springs eternal for me and with each new beginning I hope I can become a better person.

So I make lists of resolutions and goals. I stick post-it notes to my mirror. I make a vision board. I have 3-5 cards on the fridge. I put appropriate scriptures on my phone wallpaper.

I mean so well. And I do pretty well for a while. I count calories and eat veggies. I clean out some cupboards. I go to the gym and get my steps in. I pray, and I study the scriptures, and I hold my tongue when it needs to be held.

And then I mess up. Always.

But I keep trying. Because, as I look back, I am maybe getting a little bit better than I used to be, in small increments, maybe.

And we have to keep trying. And praying.

I found this quote recently. George Q. Cannon (counselor to four LDS church presidents in the 19^th century), once said:

 “. . . If any of us are imperfect, it is our duty to pray for the gift that will make us perfect. Have I imperfections? I am full of them. What is my duty? To pray to God to give me the gifts that will correct these imperfections. . . .No man ought to say ‘Oh, I cannot help this; it is my nature.’ He is not justified in it, for the reason that God has promised to give strength to correct these things, and to give gifts that will eradicate them.” (President George Q. Cannon, Millenial Star, 23 April 1894, 260)

A big part of trying to become better is praying for help. But though we would like to be immediately changed, that is not often what happens. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could become better just for the asking? One of my favorite fairy tales told of a girl who was put into a magical sleep from the age of 8 until 16. When she awoke, she had every ability an accomplished young lady of the 18^th century should have: she could draw and paint, play the piano, sing, write beautifully, and she had read hundreds of books. She had been taught magically in her sleep, without any effort on her part. This seemed like a great idea when I was young. Who would ever want to suffer through figuring out a geometry proof or writing a research paper or practicing an instrument if the end product of being skilled could just be magically bestowed?  

But maybe the end product is not the point. Maybe that is why President Cannon refers to God giving us the gift of strength. Maybe what matters more than what we become is what happens to us as we strive toward a goal. This is suggested by a recent study of “superagers” reported in the New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/31/opinion/sunday/how-to-become-a-superager.html?_r=0  When the researchers compared brain scans of those who remained mentally nimble into old age with those of those who had not, they found significant differences in the limbic section of the brain. And how to do this?

We’re still studying this question, but our best answer at the moment is: work hard at something. Many labs have observed that these critical brain regions increase in activity when people perform difficult tasks, whether the effort is physical or mental. You can therefore help keep these regions thick and healthy through vigorous exercise and bouts of strenuous mental effort. (Lisa Feldman Barrett, “How to Become a Superager,” New York Times, December 31, 2016)

Barrett continues with the bad news.

The road to superaging is difficult, though, because these brain regions have another intriguing property: When they increase in activity, you tend to feel pretty bad — tired, stymied, frustrated. . . .Superagers are like Marines: They excel at pushing past the temporary unpleasantness of intense effort. (Barrett)

So in order to become better, more capable, more skilled, maybe even more kind, we need to be willing to work hard, even when we don’t want to.

And that is probably why God does not often answer our prayers by changing us outright. Instead, His gift is usually in the form of tuition, a series of lessons. This gives us a chance to work hard, to push past the pain and the frustration, and change our very nature. As we make and break and make again our resolutions, it is good to remember it is not the product that matters, but the process of trying and becoming.