Surviving Summer with Kids

Summer as a retired empty nester is a lot like the rest of the year, except that my husband has more outdoor projects going on and I spend time reading in the hammock instead of in front of the fireplace.

But I remember summers with the five kids home. I was at a young mom’s home the other day and it all came back—the children running in and out, always with needs. “I scraped my knee!” “So-and-so is teasing me!” “Can I have a cookie?” and the most dreaded complaint, “I’m booooored.” Then there was the never-ending maintenance—the toys, shoes, socks, clothes, and towels that piled up on the floor and every other surface. The constant chaos in the kitchen as kids fixed themselves snacks and left out all the dishes and food afterwards. I remember thinking that I did nothing all summer but pick up after children.

I also am reminded of the many efforts I made to keep the children busy and happy, while maintaining my own sanity. Every so often I would try something new—a job chart, fake money to be given for chores, real money to be given for chores—you name it, I probably tried it. As my children grew older they would call these efforts The. New. World. Order. Most of these efforts were too ambitious and complicated and didn’t last.

But some simple ideas did persist and did give me some sanity. I share the ones I remember working here in hopes they might be helpful to moms who are still in the trenches. Take these thoughts for what they are worth--that is, if you care to trust advice from someone who can go lie in a hammock whenever she wants.

Principle 1. Boredom arises when children get to do whatever they want whenever they want to do it. 

If children are forced to do some things they don’t want to do at the beginning of the day, then they enjoy their freedom much more. (And they don’t bother you nearly as much, perhaps because they are afraid you will make them do more chores.)

Therefore, I made my children all get up at a reasonable hour, roughly the same as during the school year, have breakfast together and do morning chores. Then we all gathered around the kitchen table and had “school.” Each child had a minimum list of school work required each day, depending on their age and ability. We had math workbooks, a journal to write in, and reading to practice. To be honest, I enjoyed this time. It was fun to see them learning and laughing. This personal time with me seemed to get the day off to a good start.  

Once their school work was over, they had free time until lunch. Mostly they just exploded out to do the stuff they had been thinking of doing all the time I had made them work. They would play together or go find friends. In those days, a child would just bike around the neighborhood stopping at each child’s house to ask, “Can you play?”

Principle 2. Children need a break during the day, as do moms.

I always made my children come home for lunch at noon. I had a huge dinner bell; I would stand on the front porch and ring it, and they would all come running. We sat down to eat together, even if it was just peanut butter sandwiches. The kids told me about their morning. Sometimes I read to them from a book while they ate—Little House on the Prairie was a big hit one summer.

After lunch came Quiet Time. I admit, this was mainly for me. But I think the children enjoyed the break as much as I did. The rule was, they had to stay on their bed and be quiet for one hour. They could read or nap or color or even play quietly with toys, but they couldn’t talk to each other or to me. The older ones mostly would read. The youngest would nap, which was great because of late summer bedtimes. Once one of my little boys gave himself a haircut during quiet time. Well, it wasn’t all good.

During quiet time, I followed the same rules. I lay on my bed and read or napped. I did not do the dishes or clean house or any of the other chores that needed doing. Why waste good quiet time, I figured.

After quiet time, the kids again were thrilled to go find their playmates and do whatever they were excited to do.

Principle 3. Children like a routine.

Principles 1 and 2 relate to a daily routine. I also tried to have weekly routines. For example, one day of the week was always library day. We would gather up all the books from last week from under couches and behind beds in a big green laundry basket, haul them out to the brown fake-wood-sided station wagon, and pile in the kids. This was before seat belts were mandatory, so the kids piled in the cargo section around the books, sometimes reading as we went. At the library, I let everyone choose 10 books, which were piled back in the basket. On the way home, everyone was quiet as each read their books.

One summer a friend and I got together with our kids every week. One week we would go to her house, the kids would play together, and she and I would work on a household project together, like organizing kitchen cabinets. The next week she would bring her kids to my house and maybe we would can cherries together. This way both the kids and I could look forward to playing with special friends!

A young mom I know has this weekly routine down to a system:

Monday: Library and reading

Tuesday: Water and swimming (either water play at home or a trip to the swimming pool)

Wednesday: Theater (Cinemark Summer Movie Clubhouse—50 cents a ticket, with a picnic in the park afterwards)

Thursday: Friends

Friday: Field trip

I never was that organized, but I wish I had been. Each activity doesn’t take that long, yet it makes each day kind of exciting.

Of course, now summer plans need to include the whole Screen Time Issue. How much is too much? Should the kids earn time? How do you police screen use?

You're on your own here. When my kids were little, screen time meant watching “Brady Bunch” reruns at 4:00 pm.  Good luck!

Anyway, that’s the way I remember getting through summer vacation. And I actually remember feeling a little sad when it was time for school to start. I would love to hear from you how you manage/managed summer with the kids. I’ll look for your comments below.

And probably read them while resting in the hammock. Just remember, someday your children will be all grown up (sooner than you think), and you too will be able to hammock whenever you want!