Nurturing our Selves

The other day I was feeling tired, so I spent the day lying in the hammock and binge-reading. I also had ice cream for lunch and cake for dinner.  Then I went to my book club and ate cake again. I thought I was nurturing myself. And it felt good, at the time.

But then the next day I needed to work extra hard to get what needed doing done, and I felt slow and sluggish after eating all that rich food and nothing healthy. So it really didn’t do me good; it didn’t nurture me.

To nurture means to care for and encourage growth and development of. We care for children and help them learn and grow. At work, we mentor colleagues, helping them to succeed in their jobs. We care for siblings and parents, for neighbors and friends, dogs, cats, parrots, and goldfish.

However, do we nurture ourselves? Just as the flight attendants tell us to put on our own oxygen first, do we take the time to care for our own needs as well as those of others. And when we do take time for ourselves, is it time that really does nurture?

This is what often happens when I take time for ourselves—I take out my phone and follow FaceBook or Pinterest. I stop at McDonald’s to get the chocolate milkshake with whipped cream on top. I lay on the couch and binge-watch Poldark.

These can all be good things—but they don’t exactly nourish, they don’t encourage my growth (except that milkshake, and that not in the good sense). They are dessert, not the main course.  A scientific article I found calls this kind of thing “self-destructive self-nurturing.” You think you are helping yourself, but are you really? Do you really feel better after five hours of TV watching? Do you feel more rested and happier?

It makes me think of all of those charts you see these days: eat this, not that. Eat Broccoli beef with veggies instead of Beijing Beef. Eat the BLT instead of the Hot Pastrami. Eat the Fresco Chicken Soft Taco instead of the Smothered Shredded Chicken Burrito. Both actually taste good, but one is way healthier than the other.

So now I’m thinking about nurturing myself the way I think about nurturing my children. What will make me feel cared for and encourage my own growth?

Here are some things that nurture me.

Getting out in nature. Stopping for 30 seconds on my morning walk to notice the pink sky as the sun rises. Driving up to the mountains to see the leaves turning orange. Walking out to my garden to eat warm cherry tomatoes. And yes, spending some time in the hammock, looking up at the sun filtering through the trees.

Learning something. Reading a book or article on something new. Taking a class I’m interested in. Sharing ideas with someone who knows more than I do. Trying to do something that is hard for me, like playing the piano, or writing a blog.

Building friendships. Taking time to get to know others, to understand them, learn from them, share with them. Going to lunch with friends, getting together to work or play together.

Exercise. Walking, lifting weights, running, biking—doesn’t matter what.  Moving my body nurtures my self—makes me stronger and happier and more able to be my best self.

Helping others. Turns out nurturing someone else is actually a great way to nurture yourself. In fact, when I am feeling sad, I’ve found the best way to feel better is to find someone to help.  

Spiritual Renewal. For me this means praying daily as well as frequent quiet shout-outs during the day, sharing honestly with my Heavenly Father my gratitude and my fears, recognizing blessings and asking for help for myself and others. It also means spending time with scripture study every day, to ground myself in what matters most.

So I am going to try to make better self-nourishing choices. Instead of FaceBook sometimes, I’ll make a phone call or walk over to a friend’s house for a visit. Instead of vegging out on the couch, I’ll try to get up and go for a stroll outside. Instead of eating cookies when I’m feeling down, I’ll try taking cookies to someone else, or just telling Paul what a great job he did mowing the lawn. And every day, I will prioritize prayer and scripture study. Because for me, that is like daily vitamins—if I don’t do that my entire personal well-being slips.

But then, still, there are times when I will just lie in the hammock and read a book. Because, hey, that’s important too.

What do you think? What are the ways you nurture yourself?