Why We Had Children

Americans are having fewer babies. We’re down 3 percent from 2016, the largest single year decline since 2010.  The “replacement” birthrate would be 2.1; we are now at 1.76, well below replacement. Since this may lead to an aging population and a dearth of young workers, it is important news.

The New York Times wanted to know why the birth rate is low, and so they polled young people.  (https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/05/upshot/americans-are-having-fewer-babies-they-told-us-why.html). Here are the top reasons they found: 

1. Wanting more leisure time and personal freedom 
2.  Not having a partner yet 
3.  Not being able to afford child-care costs 

Reading the article made me start thinking. 

Why did Paul and I choose to have babies? And then, for goodness sake, why did we go on to have five of them?

For one thing, back when we were having babies, it was just what you did when you fell in love and got married. There was even a rhyme about it that I chanted while jump-roping: “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Betty Ann with a baby carriage.” Or Susie or Debbie or Mary Jane. 

We all expected to have children. That is what you did. I remember having my pre-marital physical and the doctor bringing up birth control. I said, “Oh, we’re ready to have children. I’m not worried about it.”

So we weren’t surprised when, a few months after marriage, we found we had started a baby. We were thrilled!

We didn’t think about loss of leisure time or personal freedom. We certainly didn’t think about child-care costs.

At the time our first child was born, neither of us had a paying job. We were living in Canada, without a work visa, where Paul was studying for his PhD. We lived in a one-bedroom apartment with borrowed furniture. Anna spent her first months in a borrowed baby basket, and then, when we moved, a cardboard box. Our parents helped us buy a few baby clothes and some cloth diapers. Having a baby did not seem to add to our expenses much at all, really, and we didn’t worry much about it.

At the time, I didn’t really think about why I wanted children either. But now, having read the NYT article, I am thinking. Here are thirteen reasons why I’m glad we had children.

1. 1. Because baby toes are the sweetest. But puppies are cute too, so let’s look at some other reasons.
2. 2. Because I’m glad I can look at my dad’s photo as a young man and see how my son looks just like him. Each of the five children share in my husband’s and my DNA, similar to us and yet different in wonderful and surprising ways.
3.  3. Because I have five favorite people in all the world that I would do anything for, and I believe they would do the same for me.
4. 4. Because I am a better person for having been a mother. In my young adult years, at the very time that humans are most likely to live selfishly, I was forced to put others’ needs before mine, to learn to sacrifice. 
5. 5. Because I was still able to build a satisfying and useful career while I was raising children. In fact, I think I was better at my job because I was a mother.
6. 6. Because raising children didn’t really cost a lot. We welcomed hand-me-downs, ate casseroles, and went camping for vacations. 
7. 7. Because I can’t think of a better way of using my free time than raising five people.
8. 8. Because I believe in investing in the future, and my children are my contribution to the future of the country and of the world. They work hard, they care, and they are making a difference for good. I can’t even imagine the loss to the world if they didn’t exist.
9. 9. Because, if we are to find solutions to the problems of climate change, pollution, cancer, poverty, and other problems yet unseen, it is our children and our children’s children who will find them. 
10. 10. Because my children are five uniquely different souls. I love learning more each year about  their particular talents and strengths, watching how those strengths play out in their lives. I am so glad I was able to be a part of their growth.
11. 11. Because my children have had their own children, with the same wonderful outcomes
12. 12. Because my parents chose to bear and raise me. I’m glad I’m alive. And I want to pay this gift forward.
13. 13. Because I am always stunned by the limitless potential of every human soul. 

I know that there are many reasons not to have a child, and everyone needs to make that decision personally. But I am glad that my husband and I made five decisions to welcome a child, a person, into the world and into our lives.